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最終更新日 : 2012/01/30 (Mon) 07:52
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If you can read this you\'re not aiming in the right direction.
He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.
I don\'t care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent\'s eye, that charms to destroy...
It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both.
As the post said, \'Only God can make a tree,\' probably because it\'s so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
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Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.
Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.
Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.
Thank you for sending me a copy of your book - I\'ll waste no time reading it.
If you were plowing a field, which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens?
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If absolute power corrupts absolutely, where does that leave God?
Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.
In the begining there was nothing and God said \'Let there be light\', and there was still nothing but everybody could see it.
Am I lightheaded because I\'m not dead or because I\'m still alive?
Sex is like air. It\'s only a big deal if you can\'t get any.
Don\'t stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
If all the world\'s managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.
And God said, \'Let there be light\' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
All rights left. All lefts reserved. All reserves removed. All removes right.
O\'Toole\'s Corollary of Finagle\'s Law: The perversity of the Universe tends towards a maximum.
Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse\'s family too.
Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.
A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.
Early to rise and early to bed. Makes a male healthy, wealthy and dead.
The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don\'t have it.
Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.
Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.
Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?
Everything has been figured out, except how to live.
If you can read this you\'re not aiming in the right direction.
Write a wise word and your name will live forever.
The worst barbarity of war is that it forces men collectively to commit acts against which individually they would revolt with their whole being.
Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees.
Men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all the other alternatives.
My last cow just died, so I won\'t need your bull anymore.
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I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.
All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl.
If you can read this you\'re not aiming in the right direction.
Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.
I don\'t pray because I don\'t want to bore God.
Anyone who starts a sentence, \'With all due respect ...\' is about to insult you.
I\'ve always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
The purpose of computing is not numbers but insight.
Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, \'Where have I gone wrong?\' Then a voice says to me, \'This is going to take more than one night.\'
Being on the tightrope is living; everything else is waiting.
Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin.
If you can read this you\'re not aiming in the right direction.
The only way to combat criminals is by not voting for them.
Raymond\'s Law of Software: Given a sufficiently large number of eyeballs, all bugs are shallow.
It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.
Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can\'t remember what they are.
Barab?si\'s Law of Programming: Program development ends when the program does what you expect it to do ? whether it is correct or not.
Hearing nuns\' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.
Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love, he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like, during their lives.
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Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it\'s because they\'re such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the wall.
Computer dating is fine, if you\'re a computer.
Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.
I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It\'s pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.
I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.
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Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn\'t.
All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl.
Is your argument that the Creator of the Universe was working under a deadline and His manager forced Him to rush inefficient designs into production?
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If it wasn\'t for C, we\'d be writing programs in BASI, PASAL, and OBOL.
Outside of a dog, a book is man\'s best friend. Inside of a dog, it\'s too dark to read.
Our government has kept us in a perpetual state of fear - kept us in a continuous stampede of patriotic fervor - with the cry of grave national emergency.
I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.
It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both.
Yes, I\'m fat, but you\'re ugly and I can go on a diet.
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If women didn\'t exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.
The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.
Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I\'m not sure about the former.
I\'m all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let\'s start with typewriters.
I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
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One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one\'s work is terribly important.
Copy from one, it\'s plagiarism; copy from two, it\'s research.
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.
There are two ways of constructing a software design; one way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult.
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.
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Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It\'s the transition that\'s troublesome.
For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.
They have computers, and they may have other weapons of mass destruction.
Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it
Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means.
The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage.
We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?
If you were plowing a field, which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens?
Descended from the apes? Let us hope that it is not true. But if it is, let us pray that it may not become generally known.
A good sermon should be like a woman\'s skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough to cover the essentials.
Don\'t let it end like this. Tell them I said something.
It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man.
ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI?!
When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself.
Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it.
The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.
I\'m all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let\'s start with typewriters.
In America, anybody can be president. That\'s one of the risks you take.
I failed to make the chess team because of my height.
When I am dead, I hope it may be said: \'His sins were scarlet but his books were read.
If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out of it but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow enobled and no-one dares criticize it.
Misunderstandings and neglect create more confusion in this world than trickery and malice. At any rate, the last two are certainly much less frequent.
Democracy does not guarantee equality of conditions - it only guarantees equality of opportunity.
DOS Computers manufactured by companies such as IBM, Compaq, Tandy, and millions of others are by far the most popular, with about 70 million machines in use worldwide. Macintosh fans, on the other hand, may note that cockroaches are far more numerous than humans, and that numbers alone do not denote a higher life form.
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The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.
Maybe this world is another planet\'s Hell.
The graveyards are full of indispensable men.
Why don\'t you write books people can read?
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True. When your hammer is C++, everything begins to look like a thumb.
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Humor is also a way of saying something serious.
Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I\'m not sure about the former.
Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.
It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.
Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called \'Ego\'.
Every nation has its war party. It is not the party of democracy. It is the party of autocracy. It seeks to dominate absolutely.
University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.
One doesn\'t have a sense of humor. It has you.
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When you hear hoofbeats, think of horses, not zebras.
Everything is drive-through. In California, they even have a burial service called Jump-In-The-Box.
It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.
The use of anthropomorphic terminology when dealing with computing systems is a symptom of professional immaturity.
Quoting Coulter is kind of like quoting Joe McCarthy; no doubt it does well when you\'re pandering to a group of like-minded hate mongerers, but it earns you a well-deserved reputation as a vicious, mean-spirited airhead and intellecual lightweight in more analytical and dispassionate circles.
When you\'ve seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.
Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, \'Where have I gone wrong?\' Then a voice says to me, \'This is going to take more than one night.\'
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.
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\'Everything you say is boring and incomprehensible\', she said, \'but that alone doesn\'t make it true.\'
Our children are not born to hate, they are raised to hate.
For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.
When you hear hoofbeats, think of horses, not zebras.
All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl.
Our government has kept us in a perpetual state of fear - kept us in a continuous stampede of patriotic fervor - with the cry of grave national emergency.
Attention to health is life\'s greatest hindrance.
I\'m trying to see things from your point of view but I can\'t get my head that far up my ass.
UNIX is simple. It just takes a genius to understand its simplicity.
If a man does his best, what else is there?
A model is done when nothing else can be taken out.
They couldn\'t hit an elephant at this dist--
The difference between what the most and the least learned people know is inexpressibly trivial in relation to that which is unknown.
The best way to predict the future is to invent it.
Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action.
Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn\'t over until everyone gets their cookies.
It\'s not the size of the dog in the fight, it\'s the size of the fight in the dog.
Emulate your heros, but don\'t carry it too far. Especially if they are dead.
Opportunities multiply as they are seized.
Pardon him, Theodotus; he is a barbarian, and thinks that the customs of his tribe and island are the laws of nature.
They couldn\'t hit an elephant at this dist--
It was the experience of mystery -- even if mixed with fear -- that engendered religion.
The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That\'s where we come in; we\'re computer professionals. We cause accidents.
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Computer dating is fine, if you\'re a computer.
The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don\'t have it.
Raymond\'s Law of Software: Given a sufficiently large number of eyeballs, all bugs are shallow.
To the Honourable Member opposite I say, when he goes home tonight, may his mother run out from under the porch and bark at him
Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.
I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.
Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent\'s eye, that charms to destroy...
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
Behind every great fortune there is a crime.
Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proven it correct, not tried it.
It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong.
Either he\'s dead or my watch has stopped.
Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, \'Where have I gone wrong?\' Then a voice says to me, \'This is going to take more than one night.\'
Object-oriented programming is an exceptionally bad idea which could only have originated in California.
The most overlooked advantage of owning a computer is that if they foul up there\'s no law against whacking them around a bit.
It\'s dangerous to underestimate the intelligence of a customer who grew a business that\'s successful enough to require a large and complex set of software
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you\'ll be happy; if not, you\'ll become a philosopher.
Black holes are where God divided by zero.
Ketchup left overnight on dinner plates has a longer half-life than radioactive waste.
A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.
It\'s clearly a budget. It\'s got a lot of numbers in it.
I don\'t know anything about music. In my line you don\'t have to.
I\'m not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.
Many a man\'s reputation would not know his character if they met on the street.
Life would be so much easier if we could just see the source code.
Deliver yesterday, code today, think tomorrow.
They show you how detergents take out bloodstains. I think if you\'ve got a T-shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your laundry isn\'t your biggest problem.
Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action.
Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he\'d lie just to keep his hand in.
One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one\'s work is terribly important.
Devlin\'s First Law - Buyer beware: in the hands of a charlatan, mathematics can be used to make a vacuous argument look impressive. Devlin\'s Second Law - So can PowerPoint.
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USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.
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If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?
I\'m trying to see things from your point of view but I can\'t get my head that far up my ass.
Invading Iraq after 9/11 was like invading Mexico after Pearl Harbor.
The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there\'s no risk of accident for someone who\'s dead.
The worst crimes were dared by a few, willed by more and tolerated by all.
Before the war is ended, the war party assumes the divine right to denounce and silence all opposition to war as unpatriotic and cowardly.
Behind every great fortune there is a crime.
It\'s not that I\'m afraid to die, I just don\'t want to be there when it happens.
The shepherd always tries to persuade the sheep that their interests and his own are the same.
People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.
The difference between what the most and the least learned people know is inexpressibly trivial in relation to that which is unknown.
If you can read this you\'re not aiming in the right direction.
I have four children which is not bad considering I\'m not a Catholic.
Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist.
Basically, I no longer work for anything but the sensation I have while working.
Honolulu, it\'s got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, and sharks for the wife\'s mother.
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.
Everything is drive-through. In California, they even have a burial service called Jump-In-The-Box.
If you take something apart and put it back together again enough times, you will eventually have enough parts left over to build a second one.
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.
Sex is like air. It\'s only a big deal if you can\'t get any.
There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.
Lohr\'s Law: The future is merely the past with a twist ? and better tools.
Build a man a fire, and he\'ll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he\'ll be warm for the rest of his life.
The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don\'t have it.
Yes, I\'m fat, but you\'re ugly and I can go on a diet.
Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular.
\'Everything you say is boring and incomprehensible\', she said, \'but that alone doesn\'t make it true.\'
I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.
Don\'t drive me crazy -- it\'s within walking distance.
A model is done when nothing else can be taken out.
A bird in the hand makes it hard to blow your nose.
To the Honourable Member opposite I say, when he goes home tonight, may his mother run out from under the porch and bark at him
Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!
If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out of it but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow enobled and no-one dares criticize it.
If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons?
The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.
I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings, and I hate people like that.
Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.
Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
The only way to combat criminals is by not voting for them.
When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I\'ve never tried before.
A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.
We totally deny the allegations, and we are trying to identify the allegators.
Liberty and democracy become unholy when their hands are dyed red with innocent blood.
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It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.
The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.
Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.
We are Dyslexia of Borg. Fusistance is retile. Your ass will be laminated.
Blessed is the man, who having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact.
Total absence of humor renders life impossible.
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
Some men, in order to prevent the supposed intentions of their adversaries, have committed the most enormous cruelties.
A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, \'Don\'t you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?\' I said \'I didn\'t know there were any witnesses. Now I\'ll have to kill you too\'.
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Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.
The great thing about a computer notebook is that no matter how much you stuff into it, it doesn\'t get bigger or heavier.
If Al Gore invented the Internet, I invented spell check.
Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them.
When you hear hoofbeats, think of horses, not zebras.
Hanlon\'s Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.
War is not the continuation of politics with different means, it is the greatest mass-crime perpetrated on the community of man.
Every nation has its war party. It is not the party of democracy. It is the party of autocracy. It seeks to dominate absolutely.
Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech.
Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.
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Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.
Don\'t be so humble - you are not that great.
We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?
If you\'re sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.
Before the war is ended, the war party assumes the divine right to denounce and silence all opposition to war as unpatriotic and cowardly.
A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.
Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.
Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
Ever notice when you blow in a dog\'s face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?
A model is done when nothing else can be taken out.
The truth is more important than the facts.
My current job sucks so hard, black holes are going green with envy.
Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives
The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.
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I don\'t approve of political jokes... I\'ve seen too many of them get elected.
Just because bulldozers are used to build highways doesn\'t mean bulldozers are the best way to travel on a highway.
The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.
I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.
Many journalists have fallen for the conspiracy theory of government. I do assure you that they would produce more accurate work if they adhered to the cock-up theory.
He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.
Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth.
\'Everything you say is boring and incomprehensible\', she said, \'but that alone doesn\'t make it true.\'
Before the war is ended, the war party assumes the divine right to denounce and silence all opposition to war as unpatriotic and cowardly.
To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.
It was the experience of mystery -- even if mixed with fear -- that engendered religion.
There\'s many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.
The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?
The covers of this book are too far apart.
In all large corporations, there is a pervasive fear that someone, somewhere is having fun with a computer on company time. Networks help alleviate that fear.
Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.
A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.
Men have become the tools of their tools.
... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs.
Statistics is like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive. What they conceal is vital.
The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.
最終更新日 : 2012/01/16/(Mon) 19:15
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